So I looked back on my college days to recall events that were not resolved, or were poorly resolved, and which potentially could have been resolved by self-mediation. The ‘case’ of the upside-down brownie came up. I had an argument with my roommate over who was responsible for picking up a brownie that fell on the dorm floor. The argument was diffused by us covering the brownie with my bed. Even though we remained friends, at the end of the semester we found that our actions had consequences. The brownie frosting had stained the perfectly white tile. My roommate and I had neglected to address the problem, and our temporary solution had failed. So, I looked into the missing elements that could have led us to consider a more responsible and meaningful solution to our problem, instead of diffusing it by covering the brownie with the bed.

What if I could facilitate an opportunity for individuals to approach conflict resolution at earlier stages of conflict, with humor and levity? Moreover, what if I could stage the conversation in a way that would lead to success rather than to failure? What would happen if two individuals, instead of being left alone in a room to resolve their issues in private, were relocated into the company of other pairs who also have “issues” to be resolved, talked about, or agreed upon? Perhaps they would find comfort in the fact that others are dealing with conflict resolution too. This made sense to me because they wouldn’t need to feel awkward, given that others are in the same situation.

Why then, would they agree to show up at a determined location, on a stated date to self-mediate a problem with other pairs of people? It dawned on me, this is not such a foreign concept nowadays since “staging” can be construed as a form of reality TV, but in this show the pairs (or dyads), are the star of the show! This show would be performed in vivo, which is an appealing form of art. In the words of Oscar Wilde, “The self-conscious aim of Life is to find expression, and that Art offers it certain beautiful forms through which it may realize that energy.” This new modality of conflict resolution would offer self-selected Actor-Participants℠ an opportunity to self-express sentiments, mend differences, and “find expression” without shame or discomfort, in the company of others with similar situations.

Furthermore, what if the “parties in controversy” were provided with ground rules to guide their conversations? How about limiting the conversations to one half hour? It could be a good start to break the ice and have a soft agreement to sit again at a later date. This sounded promising! How about providing an intimate table for two with café style tables and a soothing drink - tea? Ohh! Perhaps, they could be drinking out of ceramic cups and given spoons to ping and signal their progress or approval of anything positive in the transaction, for all of us to hear? The pinging action would be done in the spirit of “Cheers!” and could provide momentum - in crescendo - over the course of the half hour. Perhaps this would stimulate the other dyads to join in with those who are making progress in their conversations and to ping their cups as well!

And, how about if Actor-participants℠ could be placed in the company of supportive audiences who are unable to hear their private conversation, but would instead watch at a distance, in meditative silence, for Actor-Participants’℠ body language cues that could signal progress of the dyads’ conversations?

I then wondered, would it not be wonderful to know what they experienced at the end of their self-mediation? Did they have “aha!” moments or insights? Would they be willing to share about their deliberation process, albeit not the personal issues they discussed, with the audience? And what if they were willing to share the content as well – on a voluntary basis? This may become a cathartic publicly declare of a victory on something that caused them consternation or pain. Why not?!

How about the audience? Would the non-verbal cues perceived by them be validated? Could the audience interact after the half-hour, self-mediation process by debriefing with those individuals who volunteered to share their stories? This would be a fascinating exchange!

And, oh! There might be a way to make this event more complete. What if we could poll the dyads at the end to find out more about their experience with this new modality of self-mediation? Results could be published and shared in a way that does not reveal the individual answers provided or the participating parties. This might just advance the field of conflict resolution!

But, wait… not so fast… what if something went wrong during this public self-mediation? What if the parties cannot agree and walk out in the middle of the talks? What if they do not even show up? What if they have a little altercation (big altercations that disrupt others are not allowed)? Well, I thought, this is the charm of a social experiment. No one knows what will take place! It is like magic. It is suspense, surprise, and drama, catharsis and all. It is theater! Better yet, it is improv!

The best part is that the show is never the same. It is not a formulaic choreography, but a creative and interactive performance that cannot be replicated, as the actors and the audience is never the same. Each time PingingTea!℠ is installed as an event it will be a different artistic rendition, a “de novo” show.